Many times I have looked around at the mess and chaos and disorder of my home and thought how awesome it would be if I could just pay someone else to take care of this crap.

How awesome it would be if I could instantly arrive at the end of the long to-do list in my head without having to do any of the work required to get there, if all the tedious jobs were done and I wasn’t the one who had to do them.

However I am, (in Julia Child’s words), a servantless cook. I am also a servantless cleaner, a servantless driver, a servantless mother, and a servantless everything else.

There is no Mary Poppins or knight in shining armour or Samantha from Bewitched coming to wriggle her nose and make everything tidy and shiny. There is no help coming. I am the help.

My younger self would not believe this, but I no longer fantasise about getting a cleaner. I don’t want to pay someone else to clean up my mess. I don’t want to pay someone else to take care of my home or my family or myself. I’ve got so much out of learning to manage my home better, and I know I have a lot more to learn. My household tasks are my learning opportunities, my gifts to give, mindfulness practice, a constant renewable source of daily pleasure and satisfaction. If I paid someone else to do them I’d miss out on all that.

My younger self is in a state of shocked disbelief, so let me put this another way: if you’re no good at managing your home paying someone else to do it won’t help you in the long run. It’s like broke people who win Lotto and are back to where they were after a few years. If you pay someone else to take care of your home without learning to do it yourself you’re still living on the edge of chaos and you are giving up your power to others. You’re missing out on an opportunity to get better and stronger in ways you can’t imagine.

Household help is awesome – but managing your home well, learning how to truly inhabit your home, finally deciding to grow up and clean up your own mess – this is better.