There are lots of ways to do housework and some of them really suck. Some people get obsessive and can never relax in their homes. Some people try to ignore it and live in a constant state of chaos.

The way I used to do it, where I would feel swamped by housework while only actually doing a little in a haphazard fashion (so I never got to enjoy the benefits of doing it), sucked most of all.

I often felt overwhelmed and resentful. I always felt inadequate. I was miserable.

Things started to turn around for me when I started thinking about housework differently. I realised it was a skill, and like any skill, it was possible to get better at it. I started paying attention. I stopped resenting my daily tasks and let myself enjoy them more. Things got easier. I was spending the same amount of time looking after my home and family, but I was getting more done, and I was happier and more relaxed as I was doing it.

A lot of the difficulties and frustrations I experienced in the beginning were self-imposed. I wanted to be home looking after my family, but I also wanted to be somewhere more glamorous (not a lot more glamorous – just somewhere I could go to the toilet without being interrupted). I wanted the endless round of chores to get done without me having to do them.

I wanted my life to be different. When I accepted the reality of my life at home with small children – a life in which dishes and laundry were important and mattered – everything changed. I started working on my house and my house started working for me.

Here’s how you can tell if your housework is working for you: does it make you happy? Keep on tweaking things until it does. It’s important, and it matters, and it’s worth it.